Thankful

I taught Sunday school this morning for the children. Up until today I would have (and have on many occasions) swore that children were not my calling. I would have (and have) also swore that teaching was not my thing. However, after today I am not so sure. It was an amazing experience to truly let go and let God in that room. It was awesome (and I mean truly awe-inspiring) to watch the "light bulbs" turn on in these children's heads.


We just started a new curriculum that teaches building a strong foundation. It is a chronological study of the Bible, and how we get to know God through his word. Today's focus was teaching the children what the Bible is. It is often good to be reminded because as someone who grew up in church I often take the Bible for granted. However, we are truly and richly blessed. The Bible is truly a loving and caring letter that God wrote specifically to each and every person. When God had those men write his message, he really and truly had me in mind. Every story in there is to tell us something...to communicate... to me. I used the analogy of somebody writing a special note. If the note is written but never read then you cannot possibly know what the person writing it wanted to say. So many people (including myself) leave our Bibles on the shelf to collect dust during the week and then wonder why God is not answering our prayers. If we do not open the letter, we cannot read it!

On another topic - I find myself disappointed today. I am thankful that God is in control and knows exactly what I need and when I need it. I have reached a point in my personal life where I can truly and openly say that I am afraid of making friends. I go through spouts - I would call myself bi-polar in the area of friendship. I will call/talk to/email/txt...or something with friends for a bit and then I will completely pull myself away and clam up. One friend in particular has experienced this yo-yo affect. She is very dear to me and thankfully is patient and persistent. However, I find myself afraid of friendship. I have been hurt so many times in the past in friendships that I find myself truly afraid to trust another human being with my innermost thoughts and feelings. I do not want to have friends that I have to be fake with. I am trying to force myself to forge these friendships and grow them. There is another lady in my life that our friendship has come and gone over the last few years. We will stay in contact constantly and then I pull away. I always enjoy her company and we really are a lot alike. I struggle with having friendships outside of my husband. I know I need to surround myself with strong Christian ladies that can point me to Christ but I am terrified of pouring out my heart to only have them drop me off the face of the earth a few months later. What if they know my deepest darkest secrets and then want nothing to do with me? I do not enjoy the pain that comes from giving of oneself so deeply. So, pray for me. I know I need to nurture these friendships. I ask that those that are trying to not give up - bare with me... my heart has been hurt one too many times and I am timid. I want true friendship and I do not want to be fake... I want to truly be myself... but I am terrified.