My God is an Awesome God.

Everyone makes mistakes. Some people make BIG mistakes, mistakes that will haunt them for a lifetime. Mistakes that cause pain and hurt to those they love. When my past mistakes come back to haunt me, I remind myself that I have a God that is bigger than my greatest mistakes. I am so thankful that God is so forgiving and that he can take a person's heart and fill it with forgiveness. If it wasn't for such an awesome God... my life would be very different right now.

When I pull away from God my heart fills with darkness and I constantly try to fill it with other things - often the wrong things. My focus shifts and I suddenly find myself in a place of great unhappiness. I'm grateful that my God stays right where I leave him and when I run back...brokenhearted and crying (as is always the case)...he opens his arms and welcomes me.

I am also thankful for a husband that has joined me in devoting ourselves to Christ and to each other. We have decided that honesty and faithfulness to each other and God are of the utmost importance in our day to day lives. Our marriage has gone through a transformation in the last 10 months. Joel and I as individuals have also gone through a transformation. It has been a painful experience where we have come to realize what rotten scum we are; but it has proven to be well worth it. I have come to fully realize that I am nothing without Christ. Nothing. My human nature is nasty and dark and full of bad decisions. Without Christ I have the potentail to continually cause myself and others pain and potentially ruin lives.

I still have my hard days...like today...where my past mistakes haunt me...instead of wallowing in my grief for bad decisions ...I call my husband and reassure him of my love and delight in the fact that he still loves me too. And ultimately... I call upon my God. My heart is at ease b/c I know that he too still loves me.

I am forever grateful for a forgiving God and a husband that makes the choice to live with me, love me, and protect me each day of his life despite my past.