You know, I am always surprised at how out of the blue I have a day where I miss my mom so very much. I mean, I think of her every single day. I miss her all the time. But every once in a while, I just REALLY REALLY miss her. I think of all the fun we had and how much fun my children would have with her. I don't know why it catches me by surprise, but it does. I guess I just keep expecting that after so many years the pain becomes less. Unfortunately, it doesn't. The pain has changed over the years... but I wouldn't say it has become less. It is amazing to me that there are still times that I almost forget she is gone. I still have stuff happen that my instant reaction is that I need to tell my mom. I'm beginning to wonder if that compulsion ever goes away.
I know that I can look forward to seeing her again one day, but until then I am stuck here... missing her and noticing that the older I get - the bigger that hole becomes. I am thankful for a God that can fill any gap and I am calling on him to do just that today.
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